One of my favourite things about my blog here is that I can write about whatever is on my mind. There’s no agenda, no secret marketing ploy, no monetary incentive etc. With that in mind today’s blog is all about alcohol, or rather cutting down or giving up alcohol. If you have no interest in cutting down then you may like to stop reading as it could feel a bit triggering / make you defensive etc – in short this blog may not be for you. But allegedly over 90% of Brits would like to drink less so if you’re one of them, read on. And what better day to write it than New Year’s Eve. I do like to be topical.
Actually I might post this tomorrow as nobody will be on facebook on NYE!
Firstly a bit about my relationship with alcohol. These days I would call myself a moderate drinker – typically having 3-4 days alcohol free each week and mostly not too crazy on the other days, perhaps half a bottle of wine on a Friday and Saturday. Apart from the odd slip up when I completely over do it and feel like death the next day and vow never again. Those are a lot less frequent than they used to be in my 20s and 30s though. Every January for approx 15 years my Husband and I have done a 3 week ‘detox’ and been alcohol free to have a reset after Christmas. Generally our drinking has reduced hugely in our 40s and we both drink far less than we used to when I would have called us pretty heavy drinkers … I went out a lot (extrovert!) and it inevitably involved alcohol.
Anyway as January & my usual detox was coming up, and I was in the local library, I picked up a book by Allen Carr called ‘The Easy Way for Women to stop drinking’. I thought that it might make the annual January detox a bit easier so decided to read it. Then about halfway through I got a bit bored of it as it didn’t feel that relevant – it seemed more directed at heavy drinkers or alcoholics. We then happened to listen to a program on the radio about cutting down or giving up alcohol and one of the contributors, Catherine Gray, had written a book so I read that too: ‘The Unexpected Joy of being Sober’. Then I went back and finished off the original book. So here are some aspects that I’ve been quite fascinated by.
1. Alcohol is a poison. Now we obviously all know that but it’s easy to forget. However it is definitely a poison which is why hangovers feel awful as we have literally poisoned our bodies.
2. Alcohol has a shit-load (technical term) of calories in it. Added to that the drinking munchies and you can consume a huge amount of calories in an evening. Most people I know would never consider eating 4 donuts in an evening, after dinner, but can easily drink the equivalent in alcohol, sugar & calories.
3. Alcohol is a proven carcinogen, right up there with smoking.
4. There is apparently no safe amount of alcohol for women, due to the risk of breast cancer. This was a particularly depressing fact that an expert said on the radio program. Opinions seem to differ on whether there is a safe limit for men.
5. Alcohol also increases the risks of heart disease, liver cirrhosis, strokes, high blood pressure. It impairs the body’s ability to fight off viruses, contributes to spots & cellulite, disrupted sleep, depression, anxiety, memory issues, reduced fertility, digestive problems etc. That’s quite a list. And let’s not forget the impact on my other pet subject of menopause symptoms: night sweats & hot flushes are all far worse after alcohol, to name just a couple.
6. People suffering from depression / anxiety etc often turn to alcohol to help .. but alcohol actually increases the likelihood of those conditions and so a vicious cycle occurs.
7. Many people use alcohol to overcome shyness or inhibitions but it’s hard to not be authentic or be your true self. Eventually the alcohol wears off.
8. And while alcohol may help many relationships get together in the first place it probably overall has a negative impact on relationships. Too many couples end up saying home truths or arguing, when drunk, in a less than skilful way!
9. Another clear sign that alcohol is a poison is that nobody actually likes their first taste of alcohol. It’s our natural innate physical reaction to stop ourselves drinking or eating something that could harm us. Rather than stop drinking it (although apparently millennials are quite prone to sobriety), we keep having it until we get tolerant to it and start to like it. This reminds me of feeding toddlers broccoli until they get used to it and eventually like it but there’s a good reason to encourage broccoli.
10. So why do we carry on and get past that nasty initial taste? Well quite simply it’s brainwashing, culture & marketing. We are constantly told by media / society / marketing etc that alcohol is a good thing, it’s a cool thing, it’s a grown up thing, it’s fun etc. We are told we should drink it when we are happy and to celebrate. We should drink it when we are stressed to relax. We should drink it when we’ve had a hard day as a reward. We should drink it to be cool and trendy. And so it goes on. Some of these messages are deliberate marketing attempts to make us buy more. Much of it is in films and on TV (James Bond only ever looks cool with his martinis, never stumbling / slurring or hungover!). And it’s embedded in our culture, particularly in Britain – just ask any A&E department on a weekend. How much have I role-modelled to my kids that drinking alcohol is a fun thing or a way to celebrate? Probably a great deal, without ever setting out to deliberately teach that lesson.
11. Adrian Chiles was hosting the radio program and he has been moderating his drinking this year (he did a great BBC TV program on it earlier in the year). He said something that really resonated. Of all the alcoholic drinks he has drunk in his life he estimates he only truly enjoyed about a third of them. Those first 1-3 drinks of an evening, entirely enjoyable, but then we sort of mindlessly carry on, not really questioning if we want to keep drinking. I’ve definitely done that many times.
12. Alcohol is addictive. Very addictive. Reading Catherine’s personal story did make me think I may have had a lucky escape as it can be very easy for a social alcohol habit to spiral out of control. At my peak, in my early 20s, I was out drinking approx 6 days a week (my first proper job was very social and we socialised in pubs). I remember counting my units one week and it was over 50 .. and that was a standard week. I now consider myself very grateful that it didn’t spiral downwards.
13. People often think they are only funny if they are drinking. Actually alcohol makes people less funny, less sharp, less quick-witted, more repetitive.
14. When people consider giving up or going out to a bar and not drinking they worry that life will be boring, or they won’t be fun, or won’t find the evening fun, or won’t be able to relax. All very normal worries.
And yet how many times have you had a boring night out despite drinking? Perhaps you got stuck with the office bore or the hammered person who just talked at you for hours. An evening is fun if you’re with fun people or doing fun things but we often associate it with the alcohol so we get this powerful association in our minds: alcohol = fun. And we forget the crappy nights or the arguments or the waking up feeling awful.
Similarly it is entirely possible to have laugh out loud funny moments when you are totally sober. Just hang out with the right people! When those moments happen we don’t think ‘alcohol would have made this moment funny’ because it already was. We also don’t credit that ‘cup of tea’ with making us enjoy the situation, as we do when we’ve had alcohol.
Having read the books and pondered it over the last few weeks it is quite shocking how much alcohol (an addictive drug / poison, let’s not forget) is marketed at us as this elixir of fun and celebrations. Cigarettes can’t be advertised and have to have plain packaging with warnings on. Not so with alcohol. When you step back for a moment, away from the brain-washing, do these things really make sense?
* Something to celebrate? Great – poison yourself!
* Grieving? Oh dear – add an depressant!
* Feeling stressed with too much on? Don’t worry – make sure you drink a sleep disrupter so you have less energy / mind space to deal with it tomorrow! I could go on but I’m sure you get the point, it’s all conditioning.
And yet I really enjoy alcohol or rather I enjoy alcoholic drinks. I love Gin & Tonic .. but now I’m questioning how much is it the ritual with the nice glass, the tonic, the lemon? I’m always a bit disappointed when it’s a standard Gordon’s & Schweppes in a half pint glass! And am I mostly just tasting the tonic anyway? I’m not sure but I wouldn’t choose to drink Gin neat so it can’t be that tasty.
The Husband and I like to go on a cocktail drinking night a few times a year. But is the fun less about the drinks and more about going round different bars, listening to live music, chatting, seeing what’s going on etc?
But I love red wine. That feels a harder one. And yet I remember I didn’t used to like red wine until I stayed with a family in Australia, when I was 21, who only drank red wine, so I learnt to enjoy it. Just like we all do with alcohol in the first place.
And I love white wine. Although this summer I would sometimes go to a pub and get a large glass, with a standard wine measure in and top it up with soda. It made it last longer and was a lighter summer drink. I’ve clearly been moderating more and more over time.
I also like beer but I like non-alcholic beers just as much so that one is easy.
I have an association between a pint of cider and pub summer evenings .. I’ll need a new habit in there.
Our brain forms these associations and habits eg Friday night equals a glass of wine to mark the end of the week. But it’s just a habit like any other and it can be changed.
And, even though it doesn’t happen that often, I do find drinking games very funny. I’m not sure what the forfeit could be without the spirits?
The Allen Carr book is geared towards never drinking again. The Catherine Gray book is similar but also more open to other approaches & choices. Catherine states very clearly that to really feel all the benefits we should give up alcohol for at least 3 months. Gulp. That feels long and I notice my resistance, but that’s the brain-washing kicking in. However I do like an experiment so I’ve decided to give it a go. After tonight (it is NYE after all), 3 months alcohol-free and then review it, see what felt good, what was hard, question if I want to continue. This period will include a week-long skiing holiday without apres ski & a dinner dance where I won’t know anyone but I like meeting people and we’ll save a fortune on taxis!
So there you have it, my summary of what I’ve learnt about alcohol over the last few weeks and now I’ve gone public I’d better stick to my 3 month challenge. Please like / share incase it helps others and I’d love to hear any comments. Or if anyone wants to pledge to join me please do, I need sober company! Sue X
EDIT: I wrote this on New Year’s Eve. I then consciously had a delicious Rhubarb Gin & Tonic – incase it was my last one I wanted to enjoy it mindfully. I went to a party and didn’t drink for most of the evening, to see what it was like. I still had a hilarious time – we were playing lots of funny party games with both adults & children with many laugh out loud moments. I honestly didn’t miss alcohol at all. Later on I had a couple of glasses of red wine, again consciously, as I wanted to be mindful of my last red wine for 3 months.
EDIT 2: If you are a heavier drinker and perhaps struggling to stop or abstain I really recommend reading both of the above books. Allen Carr’s book is one method but seems highly effective at undoing the brain-washing and he claims you therefore won’t even need to use willpower. Catherine talks about the many ways of quitting and includes how you can find great support both online (eg club soda on Facebook), AA, ‘quit-lit’ as it’s called, blogs etc. There is a lot of support out there so reach out for help.