Today’s subject is all about meeting your partner / teenager / friend / colleague where they are. What on Earth does that mean lovely reader?
It’s a term we use in coaching but is equally important in every day life. However a client shows up – excited, sad, overwhelmed, angry, frustrated etc – we first have to be with them in that place. That’s where the empathy and connection is felt. If a client is excited, my job is to be excited with them, to reflect that back and to feel their excitement. Even if they have asked for coaching around, say, a reality check on the new venture. We still start with whatever they are feeling and the reality check investigation can come later.
And the same applies for all of our relationships.
Your teenager / child might come home upset or angry. As much as we want to cheer them up, the first step is to listen to the upset and empathise with it. If we don’t, we make them feel unheard or wrong & any chance of connection is lost. It can be as easy as ‘That sounds like a really rough day’. Maybe adding on ‘Would you like a hug?’. It doesn’t matter if you think they are being over the top / making mountains out of molehills – or even if the situation is all their own fault, because they didn’t do what you told them to! Start with finding the connection and build from there.
If your partner has had a really great day try to be in their jubilant place just for a few moments, even if your day has been tough. Your story can come after – enjoy their moment.
If an elderly parent is anxious or worried, try to hear and understand their worries, even if you think they are ridiculous. To them it isn’t ridiculous, it’s very real. And by empathising and listening to their worries first, they will be more able to hear your alternative views or ideas for helping.
The same applies even more so if someone is ill – whether it is a mental illness like depression or dementia, or a physical illness like cancer. Sometimes they don’t feel like they can ‘beat it’ and just want to be heard in their scared and vulnerable place. Be right there with them – reassurance can come later, allow them to be heard first.
When we tune in and meet the important people in our lives exactly where they are, in their experience, on any given day, we build connection and understanding. Once that foundation is in place we can try to lift their spirits or help them or just continue to be in empathy, whatever feels right. Please like / share / comment. I’m off to pick the kids up from school and practice this myself .. coaches are Human too! Sue x