The Husband and I have recently been discussing possibly moving out of London. Only we started off ‘discussing’ it very badly (coaches are Human too!) before I caught what was happening. What do I mean by badly?
Well both firmly taking a side: me – move to the seaside, him – stay where we are. And we both tried to argue our case, get the other on board and ‘see reason’ because after all that tends to be a natural default for most people when they disagree.
Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? ‘If only X could listen and get it. How can they not understand? Aargh this is so frustrating!’. I suspect some of you do recognise at least a little in this. And not just with partners, it can be with anyone we disagree with.
Anyway the thing about both fighting your own corner is that generally you both get stuck there and it’s not in the slightest bit helpful. When you’re in the corner you don’t feel you can even voice where you agree with the other person because they will pounce on it and use it to prove they are right and you’re wrong. Hence you get even more firmly entrenched.
So what can we do instead? Well firstly it helps to agree on how you want to be during the discussion e.g. collaborative, loving or open to influence. Then you can agree to both look for the pros and cons in each viewpoint – it’s not committing to taking action just to see the merits in the other option. It can also help to look for what you actually agree on as a great basis to try on other alternatives.
Meanwhile for Team Saker who knows where we will end up living but at least we are now discussing it in a more helpful manner! Pls Like/Share.