Shall we do politics this week, just for fun?! I offer you a different perspective on the big Brexit question from a relationship system level. It’s a big question so apologies for the longer post.
We can view all of the countries, and the people in them, in the EU as being part of an enormous relationship system. And like any relationship system there will be some aspects that work pretty well e.g. we’re mostly not currently physically attacking one another – phew! And other aspects that don’t work well e.g. we don’t all always (ever) agree between the countries, or even between the people within each country or even between one set of friends or neighbours.
Every single person in the EU has different viewpoints and different things that they consider important, much like the two halves of any couple. Many of these disagreements will be perpetual and they may never agree, again like any couple.
Surprisingly, what’s actually important isn’t to ALWAYS or even to MOSTLY agree (we’re not designed like that as individual and unique Human Beings), but rather to decide how to be with those perpetual disagreements. In coaching, couples learn different methods to deal with these aspects, in preference to arguing about them again and again. Now I’m not sure what the equivalent in the EU is but open dialogue and discussion, without blame or criticism, and attempting to see the other parties’ points of view, can only ever help.
It’s also key in relationships to look at where a couple is aligned. What do they actually agree on? And when we look at the EU I think we can be pretty confident that virtually every person in the EU wants: to be happy, to feel secure, to have a clean environment, to have safe food to eat, to feel fulfilled, to pass on a better World to their children and to feel connected to one another. It’s pretty universal for any Human. We have a lot more in common than we sometimes realise with our neighbours overseas.
Also in any relationship, conflict (the non-physical kind) isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship is broken or over. Instead it’s a sign that something is trying to change or happen. The couple may need to change the way they communicate, or some key aspects of their lives, or they may start dreaming up a new way of being together. There are many options and yes, they may also decide to divorce … or in this case a Brexit. Sometimes divorce is the answer and I’ve certainly coached clients where that has been the right outcome for the relationship. It’s reached a natural conclusion and both parties want to go their separate ways.
But more often what happens is that first couples try really hard to look at what’s going wrong and to see how they can improve it, to try different actions and to notice where they’ve got into unhelpful patterns of behaviour together. A key part of this is actually owning up to their own role in the problem. And I wonder what is OUR role in the big EU question? Where have we not helped it to work as well as it could do? Perhaps we have been too much fighting our own corner, viewing the other members as enemies fighting for resources, and not looking at the bigger picture? And have we really reached a natural conclusion, drifted apart with no hope of improving the relationship? Or do we just need to work harder, to look at how we impact the EU, find where we are all aligned and figure out how it can improve?
I don’t have the absolute answer, nobody does no matter how much they may believe they know the way forward. It’s too big and too complicated. I have my own view and opinion and you will all have yours. I think all we can hope for is a large turn out to vote so that as many of the UK voices as possible can be heard. Please vote and please share.