Today we’re going to start looking at the relationship issues in Brexit. And as with all of these posts, the thoughts apply to life in general, not just Brexit, so may be helpful in your partnerships also.
It is incredibly easy for all of us to believe we are right. That our way is the correct way. To judge people who voted differently, or have different beliefs, as ‘wrong’, ‘stupid’, ‘ignorant’, ‘misguided’, ‘selfish’, ‘narrow minded’ etc. We slip easily into judgement and feeling superior which in turn makes us feel good! It’s all very Human and we all do it unconsciously – me too ????
You may be passionately Remain and find yourself condemning the Leave voters as being old and stupid. Or you may be a pro-Leaver and are finding the Remainers to be bad losers who can’t see a new future.
And these positions are causing rifts between friends, within extended families, between partners and in communities. The rifts heightened by strong emotions on both sides.
However, when we look at relationships or systems coaching (a system being any more than 1 person), we hold the principle that everyone is right, but only partially. No one person has ‘the truth’, they only have ‘their truth’. When we refuse to accept and hear another’s truth we become locked in our views and position, narrow minded ourselves and smaller because of it.
Every person is unique and has had their own life experiences that shape their reality. They have read different information and media, had different teachers & influencers, and cope with different life experiences. As the old saying goes: you can’t really understand another person’s experience until you have walked a mile in their shoes. If we really hold this principle we can come from a place of curiosity and acceptance, rather than judging or wrong. If you had lived their life you would probably agree with their views. This thought may help you as you encounter people with opposing views.
I leave you with the well known story of the blind men and the elephant to further illustrate how we all only have part of the truth:
ELEPHANT AND THE BLIND MEN
Once upon a time, there lived six blind men in a village. One day the villagers told them, “Hey, there is an elephant in the village today.”
They had no idea what an elephant is. They decided, “Even though we would not be able to see it, let us go and feel it anyway.” All of them went where the elephant was. Everyone of them touched the elephant.
“Hey, the elephant is a pillar,” said the first man who touched his leg.
“Oh, no! it is like a rope,” said the second man who touched the tail.
“Oh, no! it is like a thick branch of a tree,” said the third man who touched the trunk of the elephant.
“It is like a big hand fan” said the fourth man who touched the ear of the elephant.
“It is like a huge wall,” said the fifth man who touched the belly of the elephant.
“It is like a solid pipe,” Said the sixth man who touched the tusk of the elephant.
They began to argue about the elephant and everyone of them insisted that he was right. It looked like they were getting agitated. A wise man was passing by and he saw this. He stopped and asked them, “What is the matter?” They said, “We cannot agree to what the elephant is like.” Each one of them told what he thought the elephant was like. The wise man calmly explained to them, “All of you are right. The reason every one of you is telling it differently because each one of you touched the different part of the elephant. So, actually the elephant has all those features what you all said.”
“Oh!” everyone said. There was no more fight. They felt happy that they were all right.
The moral of the story is that there may be some truth to what someone says. Sometimes we can see that truth and sometimes not because they may have different perspective which we may not agree too. So, rather than arguing like the blind men, we should say, “Maybe you have your reasons.”
Thank you for reading. Please share incase it helps others and to spread a much needed message of tolerance and understanding. More on relationships tomorrow. Sue X