Listening. A hugely valuable skill & yet often it’s very lacking. I don’t mean just vaguely hearing what your partner said. Rather to really hear what’s going on for them, how are they feeling right now & what matters to them. To be over there for a while, in their World, with their hopes and disappointments. Too often, instead of truly listening, people are merely waiting for their turn to speak. They ask a question and wait to tell you their own answer or experience. Or waiting to disagree & reassert their opinion. What’s the impact of this? Huge. To speak and not be heard can cause, as a minimum, frustration. More often I see, in couples, a sense of worthlessness – what’s the point, he/she never takes any notice? Or anger and hostility as voices are raised believing if we speak louder our partner might hear. Or maybe sadness … when even our partners won’t listen to us it can feel pretty sad and creates distance.
Whereas to be really heard, and fully seen for who you are, feels wonderful – and is probably a reason why many people cry when they first come for coaching. The relief of ‘Finally someone is listening to me and gets me’.
Maybe listening could be the biggest gift this Christmas, to our partners, kids, family, employees, friends? Listen with your ears and your hearts and notice what you hear. Pls like / share and let’s start a listening revolution! ????