Today is all about the magical 5:1 ratio that helps all of our relationships.
I am writing about this topic today because I feel like I’ve spent a lot of the day being told off. I picked up my lovely new car on Saturday and have gone from owning a 10 year old, very basic, Fiesta to a shiny new, bright blue, Toyota Hybrid Yaris, known to the family as ‘Harry’.
Now I love Harry. After all I chose Harry. But Harry and I definitely need to do some work on our relationship. The problem is that Harry has too much tech and while I am sure this is all very useful and will keep me safer etc, the reality is that I’ve just spent about 45 mins being told off by Harry. Whenever I make some minor infringement, that Harry is not happy with, he beeps at me. An annoying high pitched whiney triple beep. I get beeped at if I move out of lane (I live in the country Harry, it’s that or pot-hole hell and scraping branches). I get beeped at if I go a tiny bit over the speed limit. I get beeped at if I open the door without turning my lights off. I get beeped at when I try and turn Harry on (ooer!) but I’m not sure why. And many other ‘You’ve cocked it up’ beeps. But where’s the balance?
Where’s the audible cheering or round of applause when I do stay in my lane? Where’s the whooping when I remember to turn the lights off before opening the door? Where’s the pat on the back when I keep to the speed limit? And while we’re at it where’s the mad passionate sex when I manage to turn Harry on successfully (LOL!). It’s not there is it?
Instead Harry is in hyper critical mode without any positive feedback. And so many relationships can end up the same.
The 5:1 magic ratio is the ratio we need to aim for, as a minimum, of positive to negative interactions. Us Humans tend to remember and feel the negative comments a lot more than any compliments or acknowledgements. Hence we all need to do lots of spade work for any criticisms that slip out. Otherwise not only do the criticisms erode any warmth or positivity in the relationship, they also start to fall on deaf ears. (I even started to ignore Harry on the journey home and turned the radio up instead … at least I did once I figured out how to do it!).
If you’d like to, have a look at your own interactions with your partner, your children, your parents, your work colleagues (the same ratio applies to all of them) and see if you hit the magical 5:1. Don’t be a Harry .. even if he is lovely is many other ways.
Oh and when I got to where I was going the Dentist then told me off (again) for not flossing … and there was nowhere near enough acknowledgement of how awesome my teeth are apart from that!! Please like / comment / share. Sue X