The importance of connection & making new friends – Part 2

Oh the Universe works in mysterious ways. I was always planning a part 2 on the ‘Making Friends’ topic this week to address those of you who are quite shy and / or introvert and can find it hard or exhausting being around new people. Then I reached my own tolerance threshold for it so all very relevant to me – clever Universe! 

As a complete extrovert I love meeting new people, finding out about their lives etc and it energises me. However yesterday I had my first glum day since the move and, after a walk in the Forest to ponder it, I realised I had reached capacity for meeting strangers / small talk / not being known. Pondering some more I realise that I’m really missing banter. It’s a big part of my personality – both giving a bit of cheeky banter, with love, and genuinely laughing when I receive it from friends too. I even use it when I’m coaching – there’s nothing like a bit of gentle taking the p*ss to show up someone’s patterns of behaviour in a fun manner! 

But, when you are meeting people for the first few times, there are very limited opportunities for that. The people I’m meeting are lovely and really friendly but I don’t know them (yet) and they don’t know me (yet) and hence there isn’t enough banter or laughter in my life at the moment. And I reached the point of feeling fed up yesterday.

And if you find it hard to be with strangers this tolerance level will be a lot lower. In coaching terms we call it being ‘over the edge’. You are out of your comfort zone and exploring new territory and, at some point, you may find you’ve been over the edge for too long. For some, an hour or so at a party is enough. For me it’s taken a month of different activities but it’s the same concept. I’ve spent too long over the edge and need to recharge. We all recharge in different ways. For me a walk in the Forest helped, chatting with the Husband, Skyping with friends etc. Others of you may just need to spend time alone. You will know what you need when you’ve been over that edge for too long. What’s important is that you recognise the signs and take care of your needs.

And this need to recharge occurs no matter what the new territory is that we are exploring. It could be a stressful project at work – you can keep going for a period of time but at some point you need downtime. You might be trying really hard with your spouse to be a better partner and suddenly you lose it and explode. You could be helping your child to adjust to a new school, a friendship issue or entrance exams and it all becomes too much and you feel overwhelmed. This is all normal and Human – you’ve just been over the edge for too long. Look after yourself and you’ll soon be ready for action again. Please like / share. Sue X