When we are feeling fundamentally positive about a situation (could be a new home, our job, our partner, the kids’ school etc) we naturally keep finding more reasons to be positive. It’s like our brain unconsciously searches out evidence to prove why we should be feeling good. And that general positive feeling helps us to brush off negative stuff when it crops up too.
I’m noticing this at the moment with my family. As we are overwhelmingly happy that we have moved out of London, we are all finding little things each day to feel pleased about. As a truly ridiculous example, I even find myself loving the fact that the bins only get collected every fortnight! (If you’re wondering how that can be a positive, it makes us extra vigilant about recycling & food waste to minimise the rubbish we produce, which I rather like.)
In contrast, when we’re starting to question a situation or are feeling fed up with it, those pesky brains also focus on all the negatives. In turn this brings us down further and the negative spiral can continue. This might be a good thing if we want to be spurred into action to make a change, but often it’s not so helpful. For example, you may be feeling quite fed up with your spouse and your brain will unconsciously notice all the annoying things that they do, and ignore all of their positive traits.
This all happens automatically and mostly without us being aware of it. But the good news is you can take control of that big, clever brain of yours and use it to your advantage if you want to feel happier. By setting an intention each day, and throughout the day, you can choose to focus on the positives around you. To help make it a more concrete habit you can write it down. It may be ‘What was good about my life today?’, ‘What did I enjoy about work today?’, ‘Why am I lucky to be with my partner?’, ‘What’s great about living here?’ etc. Just choose to focus on whatever aspect might need a little reframe and positivity injection. It can help to have reminders e.g. post-its or on your phone, to pop up during the day and keep you on track. If you are dedicated then after a few days you’ll start to notice your brain automatically helping you out and spotting the positives for you. Please like / share. Sue X