Own up – who finds it hard to ask for help? Or maybe ok about some types of help but not others? It’s definitely a common problem. Last week’s Happiness session was all about helping others, joining a cause, volunteering etc and the fact that there is a whole heap of research showing that when we help others we feel good and fulfilled ourselves. This showed up a few times for me last week.
Firstly a few people asked me for help or advice. I was happy to oblige and afterwards I was struck that actually, when you ask for help, you are giving someone an acknowledgement even if not explicitly stated. The underlying message could be Eg. ‘You’re really good at this sort of thing’ or ‘I really value your input here’ or ‘I know you’re a great friend & will be happy to help’. Often these aren’t spoken but actually in asking for help there is generally an underlying acknowledgement.
Secondly, in asking for help, it often benefits not only the asker but also the person giving the help. I asked for some help last week from an online community I’m part of and as a consequence 5 of us, dealing with similar issues, had a call which benefitted all of us. That wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t ask originally.
Having been reflecting on the week, here’s what I (currently!) think about the whole subject:
1. If you ask for help you are often helping the other person by acknowledging them and giving them a ‘helper’s high’
2. Try and ask the right person for the type of help that you need. Eg I love chatting through personal problems, drafting a tricky letter etc but would be a lot less keen to move lots of boxes!
3. Give them space to say no and know that it isn’t personal
4. By asking for help we make it easier for others to ask for help from us too
5. If we all helped one another more we’d be a happier society. It may seem it needs us to offer our help but actually asking for help is just as important. I have coached plenty of people who are always helping others but never ask for help themselves, and it can often lead to feeling overwhelmed or resentful.
I’d love to hear any thoughts or comments – it’s a big topic. Pls like / share & see if you can ask someone for help this week. Sue X