I’ve written before on this page about how often we can’t control a situation, but we CAN choose how to react to it. At least we mostly can, with practice and determination, even when faced with really difficult circumstances. In the last week my life has entered a new chapter, full of unknowns, and I’ve had to really put the theory into practice.
Last Tuesday we had the very sad news that my lovely Dad has an incurable cancer: Myeloma, which apparently crumbles your bones and buggers your immune system. Not a very nice prospect. It was a shock because while we knew there was a possibility, as he underwent tests, it was apparently pretty unlikely to be cancer. Right up until the point that we found out it was. Last week was spent in shock, feeling very teary, emotional and trying to adjust to the news. It was hard to process, not least because my kids were still on half-term (they don’t know yet so they remain in happy land) and I needed time, space, writing and talking to help me to process the news. The reality is we have entered a new period of unknown and the mind habitually jumps into worse case scenarios and all of them bring fear and sadness. Especially during the early hours of the morning.
But with chemo starting this Tuesday I decided to change my thoughts. I can’t change that Dad has cancer. I can’t change that he now will undergo treatment, that might have crappy side effects. I can’t change that he might get an infection and die suddenly. But I can choose what I want to focus on in my thoughts. Hence I imagine him having a laugh on the chemo ward, cheering other people up with his dreadful jokes and supporting others (as that’s what he does best), maybe even having a sing song as he loves to sing. I imagine him feeling loved by all the people who care for him. I imagine the drugs doing exactly what they are meant to do and helping his body to be strong and heal. I imagine my mum being strong, coping and rising to the challenge. I imagine Dad being able to still do all the things he loves to do. I imagine us having a great Christmas together with lots of laughter and him being around for many years yet to watch his Grandkids grow up into stroppy teenagers. By doing this I really do feel fine. I’m back to my usual pretty happy self, enjoying life, Nature, hobbies and having fun.
I learnt to be a positive thinker and optimist from my Dad. Not many people would go to their first Chemo session and come back raving about:
– how amazing the facilities are,
– how organised it all was as he had 2 different Chemo things and was out in just over an hour,
– how fantastic the staff were,
– the fact that he has a dedicated nurse whom he can call anytime and a helpline as well
– it was free parking (we LOVE a bargain in my family!)
– how brilliant the NHS is
And Dad was highly amused that his hair might fall out and grow back blond !
In addition my Dad has had so many offers of help, many people are praying for him and he is feeling very loved. What a gift in itself.
He went home, felt fine and went off to his usual Choral Society rehearsal. The next day he still had no side effects whatsoever and didn’t even need a nap. This morning he was off to play golf. Life is pretty much continuing as normal except that he has more calls from people who care, a bag of drugs to take each day, and a Turmeric pill from his very wise daughter!
We might be in a new chapter as a family but there is still plenty of joy to be found in it. There really is no point in focusing on crappy stuff in life – it doesn’t change the reality. Life will unfold however it is meant to unfold. If we allow our minds to freely focus on negative possibilities, all it does is make you sad and suck away your current peace of mind and enjoyment. Please like / share for anyone else who is facing a tricky time. Sue X