I shouldn’t have to ask syndrome.

Hi folks, today I thought I’d post about ‘I shouldn’t have to ask syndrome’.

How often have you heard yourself, your partner or friends say the words ‘I shouldn’t have to ask, he/she should know and just do / say …’. But the reality is that it doesn’t happen unless you ask. Or perhaps unless you fume! ???? 

So what’s going on? Is your partner deliberately being difficult? Are they meaning to be insensitive? Do they think if you don’t ask they can get away with it? 

Pause and have a ponder. What do you think? 

The reality is that every Human brain works differently. It picks up different information from the environment. It notices different aspects. And focuses on different things. For example, my daughter loves clothes so if we walk past someone wearing something interesting she’ll often notice & comment. In contrast, my son probably wouldn’t even notice a person dressed as a banana. But if that person was holding a phone, he’ll have spotted what make it was & tried to see what they were doing on it. Different interests, different priorities, neither better or worse than the other. 

And the same happens in Couples, especially where there are established roles in the relationship. We get used to noticing what needs doing in our usual domain but not necessarily what else might be going on. Hence one partner might not notice the pile of washing up, the baby’s nappy being full or the fact that you have a terrible

cold. Or they may notice but it doesn’t seem important to them or they don’t register enough to take action. 

The truth is, you DO have to ask. Forget the shoulds or shouldnts, they’re not helpful. Instead, make a clear request, without the strop, and then see what happens. Please like / share, Sue X